550th Hunger Games
by I believe in nargles too
Summary: Buckle your seatbelts and think of the most cliché names possible because things about to get funkyyyyyyyyyy This is an average SYOT right? WRONG RANDOM PERSON I'M YELLING AT! "Why isn't it normal?" you ask! BECAUSE IT'S A PARODY! SYOT closed but I still need escorts and mentors! YAY?
1. Chapter 1

HEYYY! It's I believe in Nargles Too here!

(Fun fact: Sometimes I forget my own name and become convinced I'm just I believe in Nargles.)

Anyway, I've decided to do a new submit your own tribute! 'But Nargles!' I hear you gasp (Don't call me that) 'You already have an ongoing SYOT!' (Stop using so many exclamation marks!) The difference with this one is... It'll be a parody!

Imagine the most over the top characters, the most cliche names (Cole Black) (Sparkle McSparkles) and worse! And guess what! It'll be a quarter quell!

(Cue shocked faces.)

If you're familiar with my work you'll know I wrote a story detailing the quarter quells (Don't worry I'll post it here as well) and I picked the worst option of all! The Twilight one! Why? Because fuck Twilight!

I will warn you I will be bashing Twilight to the max in this story. Why? Because fuck Twilight!

 **Here is the Quarter Quell list you never wished to see! I've bolded the Twilight one!**

75th: Original: Only people who have taken tesserae are in the reaping bowl

Changed: Victors are reaped

100th: People are genetically modified in some way.

125: Adults from the age of 20-30 are reaped

150th: Each item of food has a 50% chance of being poisoned

175th: Adults who have commited crimes are reaped

200th: The whole game has to be done in mute. If anyone speaks they are killed instantly.

225: Each district will receive training for 6 months before the games.

250th: After the last person is dead the Victor has to spend another week in the arena before being let out (They will get given food and no Mutt will be able to attack)

275: Only males will be in the arena

300th: Only females will be in the arena

325: The tributes bodies will not be cleared out of the arena (The no canibalism rule still stands)

350th: The tributes will not be allowed to kill each other, instead dangerous mutts will be put in to kill them.

375: There has to be one death per day. If not the capital will choose someone at random to kill.

400th: Each person will have a limb removed before entering the arena.

425: Each person will have a sense removed before entering the arena.

450th: Even after killing a tribute you are not allowed to take their supplies (In fear of instant death)

475: The dead tributes will not be posted in the sky.

500th: The game makers will give the Tributes no indication to whether it's day or night.

525th: There will be nothing at the Cornucopia. Each tribute will get a pack with 5 random items. (Some may get a item totally useless like a Yoyo.)

 **550th: The Twilight audio book will be played non stop (Almost outlawed for being too cruel)**

575: One of the previous quarter quells will be picked at random (People pray it won't be the 550th)

600th: This will be the last games to take place. Each tribute will be given a pack containing a weapon. You will not be able to open it until the final 8. (If you do it before then you will die)

Anyway... Like all good SYOTers I'll write a prologue then post the form for you to fill in! Yay?

When President Fire's (I'm original!) hand went into the box people prayed for a nice monster to come eat him- or even them (preferably him.) Sadly no such monster came along.

President Fire read it and gasped! This had to be a joke! How could anyone be so cruel? With a shaking voice he read the small piece of card

'The Twilight audio book will be played non stop throughout the games!'

People screamed and rioted! (One person even peed their pants!)

Then from the darkness (wasn't it day like- 5 seconds ago?) a lone voice shouted out!

'Whoooooo go Twilight!'

The people gasped (note to self: find a synonym for the word gasped) Who would say such a thing!

There stood...

Stephanie Meyer!

 **Okayyyyy! There's our prologue! You can submit through Reviews or Pm (PM preferred) I know I have another SYOT on the go but I'm taking a break from more serious writing. I don't own The Hunger Games and I DEFINITELY don't own Twilight (Thank the dam Gods)**

 **If you check the reviews you'll find another copy of the the form that you can copy if you need to. I haven't really got a deadline but I'm gonna wait till I have all the characters to start. You can Submit up to 4 but I also need escorts and mentors so if you submit 2 or more I'd like a mentor or escort too!**

 **Tribute Form**

Name:

Age:

District:

Gender:

Strengths (add loads if your character is a Mary Sue)

Weaknesses:

Personality:

Appearance

Weapon of choice:

Reaped or volunteered?:

Alliances:

Interview angle:

Reaping Outfit:

Chariot Outfit:

Interview Outfit:

Family:

Friends:

 **Mentor Form:**

Name:

Age:

District:

Gender:

Games they won:

Personality:

Appearance

 **Escort Form:**

Name (be extremely stupid here):

Age:

Gender:

Personality:

Appearance


	2. Chapter 2

**District 1 done**

District 2 female: Dansia Loraine ( goldie031)

District 2 male: Buff Psychoman (AriaStorm)

District 3 female: Valerie Cheescake (LordShiro)

District 3 male: Iphone 97s (guest)

 **D4 Reaping done**

 **District 5 done**

District 6 female: Dorothy Baker (LordShiro)

District 6 male: IKillThese Heels (Moonless Galaxy)

District 7 female: Aurora Walker (Apexxx)

District 7 male: Tree Branch (AriaStorm)

 **District 8 done**

District 9 female: Crybaby Jones (Snowstar2)

District 9 male: Igor Nightshade (lordShiro)

 **District 10 done**

 **District 11 done**

 **District 12 done**

I'm doing pretty well. Only 5 left to go!

I cannot fucking wait for the reapings to be over to be honest!

Who else hates the Reaping section? Put your hands up!

All the Reaping haters  
All the Reaping haters  
All the Reaping haters

All the Reaping haters

All the Reaping haters  
All the Reaping haters  
All the Reaping haters  
Now put your hands up


	3. Chapter 3

I know this makes me sound horrid guys but I've already had to decline two tributes because the submitter doesn't get that they are meant to be cliche! If it helps you I've created my own 'cliche character'

Age:12

Name: Bluebell Prettycakes

Appearance: Long wavy blonde hair and big blue eyes

District:12,

Gender: Female

Opinion on the system: She's an inoccent ball of fluff that loves everyone.

Volunteering reason: She felt really bad for the person that was reaped.

Family: 17 brothers and 12 sisters.

Personality: Cute little ball of fluff.

Reason why she'll win: No one (Not even the careers) Can bring themselves to kill her.

Reaction: Smiling.

Reaping outfit: Pretty pink sundress.

Chariot Outfit: Gold dress (Doesn't matter which district) With floaty skirt.

Interview Outfit: White dress with gold wings. Her golden like hair forming a halo.

Weapon of choice; She can use any weapon ever but she's too kind to.

Backstory: Lives in a small cottage with her 17 brothers 12 sisters 56 cats 8 dogs 88 hamsters 7 parakeets 30 goats 4 cows 77 horses and a goldfish. Is happy all the time ad loves everyone and everything. She's also really poor  
EXTREMELY pretty.


	4. District 4

**Sup! My first parody chapter! Whoop!**

 **GIVE IT UP FOR DISTRICT 4!**

 **Garnet Tinsel (4 female)**

I woke up with and got out of bed! I didn't brush my hair because it's normal to wake up looking perfect right!? I wake up my little sisters because alarm clocks don't exist in this world and I go downstairs.

"Play with me Garnet! Pleaseeee!' My little sister Mary-Sue begs.

"No! Play with meeee!" My other sister Enoby-Raven-Dementia-Darkness begs because there aren't any synonyms for that word, "not that fucking prep"

I delicately laugh at my sisters begging. Aren't they adorable! I ruffle each of their heads and pinch their cheeks.

"I'm sorry darlings," I say acting like a 40 year old mother because acting your age is SO pre-Panem! "I can't today I have training and then I'm going to volunteer!"

Both of them act like this is news to them despite the fact it's all I've talked about for the past few months. Especially since I found out my favourite book would be playing on audio! Because good literature is Soooooooo last year!

 **Lucas Miky (4 male (well duh)**

I wake up to the soothing noise of my 6 older brothers trying to kill each other. As usual I have to be the one to stop it. SIGH! My life is sooooo hard!

I slip out of my silk pajamas and put on a light blue shirt, a pair of jeans and a diamond in rusted necklace.

"Guys, don't fight!" I say inspirationally. They stop strangling each other and look at me curiously.

"If we stick together we can do amazing things! Why fight when we can LOVE!"

As you can tell I've rehearsed this speech, when I was born I had 18 brothers!

Anyway once we've had a quick funeral for our weakest brother we go inside to have pancakes! Mmmmmm! The trick is to add a little blood!

Anyway after I've had 10 delicious pancakes I go to training!

 **Garnet Tinsel**

Once I get to the training building I go straight to the axes. "Hey babe go out with me" a random guy calls. I chuck an axe in his face. Why do I have to be so pretty! Curse my long blonde hair with streaks of neon pink and icy blue going through it! Totally natural of course.

Anyway once I've murdered ten of the training puppies with my axe I go over to the bow and arrows. I get ten bulls eyes in a row and a strange smell starts to grow in the training centre! Hey, we've been telling the academy to stop using REAL bulls eyes for years!

Once I've done all that I jog home. Guys look at me on the street and whistle. CURSE MY GORGEOUS CURVES AND 10 INCH HEELS!

When I'm finally home I'm sweating slightly. Not enough to make me look gross, it just gives me a natural shine.

You may be wondering why I'm not fishing or anything and the reason is my father's the mayor! I decided I didn't want to do it and I'm sooooo talented with weapons I didn't have to! Yayyy!

After a quick lunch of eggs, bacon, toast and the souls of the puppies I murdered earlier I went to get ready for the reaping.

I put on a white crop top, showing off my belly piercing, a white tennis skirt that barely covers my bum and white 6 inch high heels. I put a white bow in my long golden hair with neon pink and icy blue streaks.

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO BEAUTIFUL!? It's so unfair!

 **Lucas Miky**

I get to training and say hello to a sort of friend of mine, Barry SideCharacter. A girl enters wavingsays her hands around and goes to the axe station. Barry says hello to her and she tries to send an axe to his face. It misses and hits Barry's friend NotBarry. She doesn't seem to notice and goes back to her training.

I shrug, stick my tongue out at Barry and NotBarry and go to the sword area. After defeating the trainer for the 87745888th time in a row I go back home.

My second oldest brother Nevergonnabeseenagain greets me in his normal way: by punching the lights out of me! #FamilyFun amma right!

I decide to change into my reaping clothes before lunch: a blue tank top with shorts and slippers. That's my outfit by the way. Not my lunch.

Like most we have a fairly small lunch before the reapings. It consisted of

Vegetables and Legumes. Fruit. Meats, Poultry and Meat Substitutes. Fish and Seafood. Cereals, Grains, Breads, Biscuits, Pasta, Nuts and Cakes. Condiments, Dips, Sweets, Sweeteners and Spreads. Drinks. Dairy Foods and Eggs.

Tiny!

Once we'de finished eating we go down to the Reaping.

 **Garnet Tinsel**

When we get to the reapings I'm practically bouncing with excitement. Our escort Hugh Janus pulls out a random name:

'BITCH GLORYSTEALER!"

Ughhhhhhh. As soon as she's called out I run up to volunteer

"I volunteer!" I scream happily. My skirt rides up slowly but don't imagine that you pedos.

As soon as I get to the stage I smile. Until I notice Bitch still standing up there. I pull a gun from my non existent pocket and shoot her in the face.

"What's your name?" Hugh says after a 4 hour hour silence.

"Garnet Tinsel," I say flashing a smile. "But that's not my full name, would you like to hear my middle names?"

Before I can get going with my 57 middle names Hugh pulls out the next name,

"LUCAS MIKY"

Some Random boy comes up on stage but I don't care. He's not gonna win or anything.

After what seems like years I get to go to a room to say goodbye.

So I can have the typical distant parents backstory only Mary-Sue and Enoby-Raven-Dementia-Darkness come in.

Mary-Sue just stands there looking adorable but Enoby-Raven-Dementia-Darkness starts talking "kill all those fucking preps!" She says. Isn't she cute! 3

Anyway since the author is a lazy butt they leave and I go to board the train.

 **Lucas Miky**

I go into the townsquare and the peacekeeper stabs my finger to get blood. Our escort Hugh Janus pulls out a name

"Cutie Pie!"

A small 12 year old comes up on stage, shaking in fear when all of a sudden the girl that shot NotBarry earlier comes running on to the stage in 6 inch heels.

She suddenly pulls out a gun and tries to shoot Cutie but it hits my Grandma!

RIP Bellatrix LeStrange

I suddenly get a call on my mobile that I suddenly have! I answer it and a deep voice yells out "WRONG FANDOM!" And disconnects.

Anyway after a short awkward silence Hugh asks her name. The Girl rambles for a bit but Hugh quickly stops her.

"Lucas Miky"

"Shit!" I curse, being realistic for once. I walk up onto the stage and the girl leers creepily at me. I go for a wave but she hisses at me so I do the mature thing and stick my tounge out.

So the author can get this chapter over and done with she'll say that none of my brothers came and I sadly get onto the train.

 **Hey! I hope I did these tributes justice! They belong to SafeandSoundD4 (Garnet) and Kingofkong1 (Lucas) The escort belongs to apexxx**

 **As you can see I still need a lot of spaces filled so please submit!**

I don't own THG


	5. District 12

**I'm not really happy with this chapter but it'll do. I hope I satisfied the kind author GalaicPassion**

 **As you can probably tell this is the District 12 chapter!**

 **Here you goes!**

 **Katie Evergreen POV:**

When I wake up the other side of my bed is empty, blah blah blah...

I tie my hair into a singular plait and put on my father's hunting jacket. I have had to take over from him as the hunter in the family. He isn't dead, he just got bored of being a hunter.

I walk down to the woods, slip under the electric fence and pull out my Russian Federation - Unknown - 2010 - Fully Automatic Anti-Materiel Rifle I see a rabbit and shoot it in the face. I pick up the corpse and take a bite out of it. Mmmmmm rawwwww

"Hey, no fair," my best friend and hunting partner Dale whines. Crybaby. He chucks a loaf of bread at my head but I eat that as well. I guess Dale will have to sell his other kidney if he wants to feed his siblings tonight.

We hunt for a little longer, me catching more with my superior weapon. I have a Russian Federation - Unknown - 2010 - Fully Automatic Anti-Materiel Rifle and he has a stick.

When we've finally caught enough to last for the next few days we leave to go home. Suddenly, Dale kisses me! I push him away. "I'm sorry," I say softly, "I'm team Peter," Just by looking at him I can see his emotions. Sadness, longing and homicidal rage. Poor Ga-DALE!

 **Peter Melak POV:**

I wake to the smell of burning bread and the sound of my brother Yeast running by. "I'm blaming this on you by the way" he calls. What a wonderful brother!

I go over to my desk and begin to read the poem I wrote last night.

Roses are red

You are so fun,

Next time I see you,

Please don't attempt murder with your Russian Federation - Unknown - 2010 - Fully Automatic Anti-Materiel Rifle

I've been told I'm an amazing poet.

My mother bursts into my bedroom with murder in her eyes. Yeast must have accidently implied I was the one that burned the bread but I've only done that once.

 **Random Flashback**

 _It was a normal day at the bakery but then all of a sudden Katie walked past!_

 _"Sup Peter," she said in her beautiful voice. "It would be cool if I could have some bread!"_

 _I shoved the bread in the fire and gave it to her._

 _"Umm thanks I guess," she looked around nervously "Did you really have to burn it though?"_

 _I smiled at her and said nothing, trying to keep this moment forever and ever._

 _Then she was gone, running away as quickly as possible._

 _She was so cute._

 **End of Flashback**

I thought of this memory while I was getting dressed. My mother had left the room after I went into the trance. Me having daydreams about Katie was a pretty normal occurrence.

For breakfast my mother and father had bacon and eggs. Yeast and Flour had Fresh bread. I had a dead mouse. Still I counted that as better than the time I had a live one. The squealing every time I stuck my fork into it was kinda annoying.

 **Katie Evergreen:**

I get back to my house, still feeling sorry for Dale and my little sister Rose meets me with a smile. Rose isn't her full name, It's short for Heterosexuals, like my name is short for cockatiels.

Anyway my mother comes out smiling which is kinda creepy since the last time she smiled I had just noticed my brother had gone missing. She hands me a beautiful pair of hot pants and I put them on and take off my shirt to reveal my Double D's. Skinny, malnourished bodies are sooooo last year!

I see Rose wiping away a tear "you look so beautiful!" She says.

"I know! I mean duh!" Sometimes Rose can be soooooo dense! I still love her I guess.

"Cockatiels! What if I'm picked?" Rose says quietly.

"Of course you won't be!" I say impatiently. "If it was you wouldn't this chapter be in YOUR point of view?!"

Ughh! See what I mean about being dense!

 **Peter Melak:**

When breakfast is finished somehow it's almost time for the reaping. I go upstairs and change into a midnight black suit that despite being in the poorest district I just have lying about. I'm hoping to marry Katie in it. I just need to stop her running away- or shooting me with her Russian Federation - Unknown - 2010 - Fully Automatic Anti-Materiel Rifle.

That was a bad day.

I go downstairs to see my brothers hugging each other! Awwww

Wait no...

They're strangling each other.

Eh, better them than me.

 **Katie Evergreen POV**

When we get to the square Rose starts crying. Ughhhh so weak! I wasn't crying for MY first Reaping! I was pretty high back then so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯!

Anyway our escort Fucking Necklace comes up onto the stage and stands next to our mentor Yomall- the completely sober victor that isn't anything like Haymitch Abernathy whoever he is.

After the long video that most authors seem to skip, Fucking goes to call out Rose's- I mean a random girls name!

Then the name I never expected to be called out gets called out:

"Heterosexuals Melak!"

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention Rose is totallllly the daughter of the baker!

Like the weakling she is Rose starts whining about the fact that she doesn't want to have to hear Twilight .. blah blah blah!

To shut her up I volunteer.

"I volunteer as tribute!" I call out annoyed and go to stand on stage.

Ugggghhhh.

 **Peter Melak POV**

Like every year I head to the reapings alone. I tried to walk with Yeast and Flour but they yelled 'Troll' and ran away. Such lovely brothers! I'm so lucky!

Just after I had gotten to the town square Katie and Rose appeared. Just seeing her lovely long dark hair gave me an idea for a haiku.

Katie is perfect

I want to kiss her so bad

SHIT SHE HAS HER GUN!

I know I'm a good poet! Don't applaud me!

I fell into a daydream about pressing my lips against hers without her shooting me with her Russian Federation - Unknown - 2010 - Fully Automatic Anti-Materiel Rifle. Next thing I knew Katie was up on the stage! It gave me an idea for a new poem

No no no no no

no no no no no no no

No no no no no

Then Fucking called out the next name and I almost fainted into the guy next to me.

"Peter Melak!"

I walked up to the stage trying to catch a glimpse of Katie's beautiful eyes but as soon as I made eye contact she held up her Russian Federation - Unknown - 2010 - Fully Automatic Anti-Materiel Rifle.

One day!

 **Katie Evergreen POV**

After a few minutes- which felt like an eternity with Peter staring at me, Fucking ushered us the the meeting room.

The first person to appear is Rose and her visit was so boring I just blanked it out.

The next was Dale and if you want to keep this story to a T rating I can't tell you what happened.

Then Notmadge Overocean came in.

"Here you go!" She says giving me a pin with what looks like a turkey holding a Russian Federation - Unknown - 2010 - Fully Automatic Anti-Materiel Rifle on it.

"Ummm thanks," I say, already planning where to dump it out of the train.

Then because the author is shit at dialogue she walks out.

 **Peter Malak POV**

I get to the meeting room and my mother rushes in

"You will die alone and probably in a hole of some kind!" She says before rushing out.

I love my Mom!

After that I amuse myself by doing something I'm not allowed to say if I want to keep the T rating.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi! **At the moment I have two districts to do! The 5's and the 8's. I'm gonna do the 8's first but I'll get round to doing the 5's soon. Girl Guides honour! (remember not to tell anyone you quit at 11 years old)**

 **Petunia Potatosack**

I wake up to a terrible smell. What could it be? After sniffing around for a while I come to the same conclusion as normal. It's me!

Suddenly I remember it's the reapings today and I have to go outside to roll in the mud to calm me down. My sibling Lily and her boyfriend James come out to watch me for some reason.

I go back into my small bedroom and decide what to wear. A potato sack or a pink dress made of the softest silk you could imagine. Like a normal person I choose the potato sack.

I go downstairs to see the food on the table. Suddenly my senses go into overdrive and in 5 seconds flat the food is gone.

My mother and 9 of my siblings excuse themselves to be sick.

I just go upstairs to read. My favourite book is 'Flower fairies in Happyland'

It has a lot of plot twists.

 **Gaylord Van Smith**

I wake up like every other person in Panem because for some reason the author always starts her SYOTs with that sentence. I turn over and see my guilty pleasure: a team Edward poster!

Just because I'm a parody character doesn't mean I don't think beastality is right!

I hear the noise of Jonny Kimson, my best friend coming up the path and I quickly rip down the poster.

Hey, GUILTY pleasure!

"Sup Gay," Jonny says. I've tried to stop him calling me That but the name Gaylord doesn't really give many other ideas. Eh I'm still the most popular guy in District 8.

We go downstairs to have get breakfast and I greet my two siblings Charlotte and Bernadette. I jump onto the table and start doing flips. Instead of yelling like normal people they start to applaud me.

I am so awesome.

After breakfast Jonny goes home and I go into the cellar of my house where I keep my secret stash of Twilight audio books and my shrine to Stephanie Meyer.

' **About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.'**

Music to my ears! I almost cried at how beautiful the words were but the most awesome guy in 8 doesn't cry!

Except when my hamster Edward died.

Or when I watched Titanic for the first time.

Or when I smelt Petunia Potatosack.

...

Point is I DON'T cry!

After a few hours of listening to the BEST books in the world I reluctantly go upstairs to change.

 **Petunia Potatosack**

Unlike most I don't change my clothes for the Reaping. Potato sacks are just so comfortable and most look the same anyway. Ironically the one food I hate are potatoes. They're just gross!

When it's time for the Reaping I walk downstairs, hoping my sisters don't mistake me for a monster and throw bricks at me again.

I had the bruises for weeks and my nose has never been the same.

Luckily they just plug their noses and we set of for the Reaping.

They are the best sisters in the whole of Panem.

 **Gaylord Van Smith**

I open my wardrobe to decide what to wear. I decide on the suit my mother sold my little brother to buy. Some use the word fine to describe it.

My sisters take one look at me and start crying. I haven't said but because every chapter seems to have to have a volunteer I decided I was up to the job.

And I love Twilight so that's a bonus.

No one except them know that I'll be volunteering so I'm just going to pretend it's a spur of the moment thing to protect however went in.

It'll totally help my street cred.

 **Petunia Potatosack**

When we get to the square the crowd parts as they see me.

I feel like a celebrity!

Once everyone is in the square our escort Kim Kardashian stalks onto the stage.

"Let's get this over with you little brats," she growls "I'm getting hammered tonight!" I nervous looking man comes onto the stage and whispers something in her ear "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T GO HOME UNTIL THEY DIE!" She screams. "Alright let's do the thing to see who's dying this year!"

She pulls out a name.

"Petunia Potatosack!"

I walk up on stage and she screams and runs to the other side. She pulls out a name but then something shocking happens...

Someone volunteers!

I mean it's not that shocking since the other guy literally told you he was going to but for the sake of the story we have to pretend it is.

 **Gaylord Van Smith**

Me and my sisters leave for the Reaping with me climbing every tree I see just so the author can show you that one of my talents is tree climbing.

We get to the reapings and me and my sisters split up. I go into the boys area and everyone greets me happily so the author can show you how popular I am.

Our escort Kim Kardashian comes up on stage and I feel a familiar prickling in my *hmm* little Gaylord. When she starts talking however I feel it going down and shrivelling to the size of a pea.

Her voice is shrill as fuck and all around me people are clamping their hands over their ears.

Then she says the worst thing I could imagine.

"Petunia Potatosack!"

I gasped! THAT was who I was going in with? I thought about standing up and demanding a refund but that would make me look crazy and Gaylord does NOT do crazy.

Anyway when she called out a random males name I quickly volunteered. Up close Petunia smelt even worse.

 **Random Male**

Hey! You shocked that it's not just the tributes that get a PoV in this chapter! I just want to say my name is NOT random male! It's

Noah Emma Liam Olivia Mason Satan Sophia Jacob Ava William Puppy Killer Isabella Ethan Mia James Abigail Alexander Emily Michael Charlotte Benjamin Jacobs!

It would be nice to hear some recognition sometimes.

These tributes won't be getting sponsered by me!

Not that Petunia would have been anyway.

She reeks!

 **Petunia Potatosack**

Once the reapings were over it was time to be visited.

With a clothes peg on her nose my mother came rushing in.

"I can't stay for long," she said. "I want to say goodbye to Gaylord!"

Then Random male came in and started screaming about how his name was actually

'Noah Emma Liam Olivia Mason Satan Sophia Jacob Ava William Puppy Killer Isabella Ethan Mia James Abigail Alexander Emily Michael Charlotte Benjamin Jacobs!'

 **Gaylord Van Smith**

Almost everyone in the district come to see me and I got my first kiss!

Unless cardboard counts of course.

Then it was time to board the trains!

 **Wow this chapter took me a long time to do for some reason. These tributes were submitted by LordShiro. I'll be doing around one district a day then a big train rides chapter. I'll be adding a poll to my account to see who'll win because I'm not sure myself. Despite this being a parody I still want it to run somewhat like a normal SYOT! I'm also adding a sponser system.**

 **Every character of yours that's submitted gives you 200 points. LordShiro must have at least 1000 :P! A review about the story (not a character submittion) will give you an extra 10 points**

 **Being able to add your own joke- 50 points**

 **Security that your character will survive the bloodbath- 200 points**

 **Slightly more imput on the story such as who will die. (Still wouldn't be completely your decision- 300 points**

 **Your character being able to harness the powers of the Mary Sue and being able to decide on something to give the character an advantage (such as not getting hungry) -150 points**

 **Parachute containing random item at some point- 50 points**

 **Parachute containing specific item- 100 points**

 **Backpack filled with 5 items of my choice- 100 points**

 **Don't lie about the amount of points you have.**

 **I'll try to do District 5 tomorrow.**


	7. Chapter 7

District **5 at last!** **Can** **you believe I only need one more Tribute! (Seven male) I'm gonna get cheesy before starting if that's ok.**

 **When I started this story I was expecting to get about 2 submittions before having to give up, delete the story and find a hole to sink into. Thanks soooooooo much to EVERYONE that has submitted and I hope that I'll do your character(s) justice. If you have any complaints whatsoever just tell me and I'll try to sort it. (Unless it's to stop swearing, cos I'll never fucking do that!)**

 **If I owned the Hunger Games Foxface and Katniss would have allied and began a relationship and Peeta would have probably died in the first book.**

 **Spark Plug:**

I don't wake up because I never went to sleep.

You see I'm what people call an ultra Mary Sue. I have long silver hair down to my feet that somehow doesn't get in the way while I'm training, silver eyes and I only ever wear silver. I also don't need sleep.

I go downstairs but I don't eat breakfast because eating is for normal people.

I live on my own in a ginormous mansion because like all Mary Sues I'm an orphan.

In my mansion I have a special training room that I use every day. Now I am strong, smart, funny and good at swordfighting, knife throwing, arrow shooting, summoning Satan running, hiding, swimming, climbing, building, survival skills, getting people to like me I'm also resourceful, cunning, fast, and I can can shoot sparks from my fingertips.

Told you I was a Mary Sue.

My parents were going to name me that but a giant crocodile ate them and named me Spark Plug instead.

As the author is awkward as fuck at going from one place to another in her writing just pretend she already told you I went into the training room.

I was swinging an axe around when all of a sudden I broke a nail! I looked at in shock but then it started to grow back! Just call it the powers of the Mary Sue!

 **Michael Rossevelt:**

When I wake up I go straight to my computer. Last night I managed to build a house bigger that 3 dirt blocks tall! It's been my life long dream since I was 6.

I really should be practising knife throwing in the room in my mansion but I can't be bothered. Mine craft is much more fun.

At one point my mother comes in to give me breakfast but I hissed at her and she left.

Good!

At around 11 o'clock I finally left my room to go and have breakfast

"Hello Michael," my father says, giving me a hug.

Bastard

Once breakfast is over I go and do stuff that I can't say because the author has no idea.

Then she gets the idea for me to go down to the training room that so many people seem to have and practise with my knives.

Sadly I wasn't made a Gary Stu so I only hit 6 out of ten bullseyes and one of the knives kills my cat.

Farewell Mr Flufflebottom

Then I go back upstairs and play Call of Duty but the author hasn't played it so all I can say is I shot stuff with a Russian Federation - Unknown - 2010 - Fully Automatic Anti-Materiel Rifle.

Bang Bang.

 **Spark Plug**

One of the powers of a Mary Sue is to always know the exact time so at 1.09 pm I go upstairs to get changed.

I put on a sparkling silver evening dress and a pair of high heels that a normal perso would break their ankle if they tried to walk in them.

Because remember: I'm a Mary Sue.

I decide to take 5 minutes to cry over the loss of my mother and father to make me seem more relatable but when I stop my makeup is still perfect and my hair is still fine.

I slowly walk to the reapings, stopping now and then to sign Autographs or decapitate someone with my pet axe.

Finally I get to the reapings and the crowd parts to let me through.

Remember, Mary Sue.

When the girl standing next to be sees me she screams excitedly and almost faints.

"OMG SIGN MY BOOB!" She screams, thrusting it in my face. Because I'm a nice person I do it but then I decapitate her. It's a bit annoying having to stand next to a dead body but I'm too nice to complain.

The escort steps on stage about ten minutes later. He says he's a male but I have suspicions. His name is Some Hoe and to be honest he looks like he's just shoved a Cucumber up his ...

Anywayyyyyy...

He goes up to the stage, plays the video blah blah blah. Then he pulls out a name no one was expecting...

"Spark Plug!"

About 50 people rush to volunteer but I don't let them.

Sometimes I'm too kind!

Anyway a random 12 year old gets picked blah blah blah.

 **Michael Rossevelt:**

When it's time for the Reaping to start I quickly shove on a random $100000000 suit and grab my Mr Flufflebottom's carcass.

I walk to the reapings, punching anybody with in a meter of me. When I get to the square I pick up a piece of chalk and draw a personal space bubble. When someone accidently goes into it I shove Mr Flufflebottom in their face.

I should have thought of this method years ago.

Our escort comes up on stage but Spark already explained what she looks like so I don't.

Then she pulls out Spark which kinda makes me sad because damn I would tap that ass.

Then Some pulls out the next name

"Michael Rossevelt!"

Well shit!

I thought millions would rush to volenteer but no one did so once I got up on stage I kinda lost it.

"Hello? does anyone want to VOLUNTEER for me? WHAT?! nobody wants to volunteer for the richest guy's son? What the fuck you guys!"

*Crickets chirp*'

 **Spark Plug:**

When I got to the room where people come to visit the people they'll never see again (The peacekeepers named it) about 70 different girls came in, all clamouring for my autograph. I gave autographs to about 40 of them, beheaded about 20 and gave an autograph THEN beheaded the rest.

It felt good to use Mr Axe.

Then (because the author only has about ten minutes to finish) they left.

 **Micheal Rossevelt:**

My mother and father came in but I hissed at them and they left.

I'm all alone.

.

.

.

.

Whoooo Hooooooooo!

 **Hi, if you go onto my profile you'll find a poll asking what setting the arena will be in. This idea isn't actually mine, I got it from Emily3THG.**

 **While I was writing this chapter I got the 7 male so now it's complete!**

 **Thanks so much and I really hope that even if you don't have a character you'll continue to read. The escort belongs to SpiltMilk and the characters belong to**

 **Apexxx (Michael) and Kitty (Spark)**

 **Hope I did them justice!**


	8. Chapter 8

**District 1**

 **Princess** **Diamond:**

I wake up and decide to take a selfie. I look at it and gasp.

Then I remember

I CAN'T TAKE SELFIES!

Why oh why did I have to be born me! Born in the best part of the best District! Oh woe is me!

I don't want to be a career but I go to the acadamy anyway so I can take up trainers time and be mostly just a nuisance.

I go downstairs to see my 12 year old sister Emerald smiling up at me. She's pretty but not as pretty as me. No one is.

But I'm not a Mary Sue or anything. I can't take selfies.

I go to training and everyone greets me joyfully. This year for some reason we don't have a volunteer of either gender. Hopefully no 12 year old will get picked ;)!

I go over to the sword station and battle with the trainer. I win in less than two seconds. It would have been one but I'm not a Mary Sue or anything.

I go over to the bow and arrow station and somehow get 9 out of ten bullseyes and the other just a millimetre off. Because I'm not a Mary Sue.

Then I go over to the axe station and despite having no bulging muscles because that's gross on a female I manage to get it all the way across the room.

I think it landed in a trainer's head or something.

Oopsie!

 **Isaac Miller:**

I live with only my brother.

My parents were killed by a rampaging rhino

Despite the fact no one would say this in a story I'm doing it anyway.

Next thing you know I'll be describing my appearance and trying to be subtle about it.

I have purple eyes the colour of... purple.

My hair is the exact colour and consistency of grass.

One other thing...

I'm as hairy as Bigfoot!

Whoever that is.

I go downstairs and eat a handful of nuts (get your heads out of the gutter!) for breakfast. Mmmm salty.

Like most people in district one I go to train. I'm not very good at it because I'm forever tripping over my own hair.

I get there just in time to see an add lodged into the face of a trainer by Princess, the most beautiful girl in one. Suddenly I realise I'm drooling.

She's just so beautiful.

She has long mesmerising blonde hair the colour of the sun. I can't tell you the colour of her eyes because the creator didn't specify them but they're probably blue or green.

I go over to the knife station but I only get 7 of them onto the target and one of them lands on the face of the trainer that had just pulled out the axe.

Me and Princess are soulmates

I go over to talk to my friend but I trip over.

That's just me.

 **Princess Diamond**

When I get home I go up to my bedroom to decide what to wear for the Reaping.

I have 6 different dresses to choose from

A pink sundress

A different pink sundress

A pink evening gown

A different pink evening gown

A pink ball gown

A different pink ball gown.

In the end, after a long long time deciding I pick the different pink ball gown.

I look amazing.

But there's one strand of hair out of place.

I'm not a Mary Sue.

I see Emerald in her Reaping outfit. A potato sack she borrowed from Petunia.

She's still the second prettiest in one.

When everyone is ready we set off for the Reaping.

 **Isaac Miller**

When I get home my brother Cane greets me with a "Sup Squirt, hope you get reaped,"

We have such a good relationship.

I go into the kitchen and get out some food for lunch.

3 raw eggs and a bucket of water.

Best lunch I've had in months.

I go into my bedroom and start rooting around for something that could be my token. Finally I find my hamster's dead body.

Now me and Michael have something in common!

Whoever he is.

I go back downstairs clutching Jonny. .(the T is for The)

Cane asks me what I'm holding so I show him and he starts being sick.

I guess it is a BIT mouldy but that doesn't matter.

It still tastes great.

 **Princess Diamond**

Me and Emerald walk to the reapings.

My long blonde hair swishes behind me. Emerald's would too but hers is only chin length.

I helped her cut it and it looks almost as good as mine.

Almost.

We get to the reapings and I hug her goodbye, making sure to mess up her hair slightly.

I love her but we can't have her thinking she can be as pretty or as talented as me.

When everyone is in the square our escort Squiffella Squiffland comes onto the stage.

She shows us all the video that only 50% of the authors actually remember and I feel myself falling asleep.

If I was a Mary Sue I wouldn't.

Then she gets round to the name pulling out thing.

"Emerald Notasperfect!"

I forgot to say that we don't have the same last name.

Anyway when I hear her name I decide to volunteer.

I'm an awesome sister.

Anyway I go to stand on stage and a random guy gets called.

Luckily for him someone else volunteers.

Wait...

Is he...

Naked?

Anyway once all that shit's done we go to the visiting room.

 **Isaac Miller**

We get to the reapings just before Squiffella Squiffland gets onto the stage. I stand in the male side but for some reason people get as far away from me as possible.

Then something happens. Princess volunteers.

She's so brave!

And beautiful!

She's almost perfect!

But she isn't a Mary Sue!

When a random guy is called I know what I have to do.

"I volunteer!"

I get up to the stage and stare adoringly at princess but she just looks at me weird.

I look down and let out a scream.

I'm naked!

I mean Princess already told you but still.

 **Princess Diamond**

My family comes in and tells me how much they love me and that I'm almost perfect.

I already knew that.

But remember. It's only almost.

I'm not a Mary Sue.

 **Isaac Miller**

All my friends come to see me but my brother doesn't.

When they leave I'm all alone. (Duh!)

 **Characters belong to Emily3THG (Isaac) and DaughterOfTigris (Princess)**


	9. Chapter 9

Sexzila **Sexuala Sexypants**

I wake up after a hard night of long sex.

Or is it a long night of hard sex.

One or the other.

The guy, whatever his name is gets up and begins the walk of shame. It's his house but Sexzila Sexuala Sexypants doesn't do the walk of shame.

Not since I was 12!

After an hour of relaxation I get up and walk home. Like Isaac I'm naked but it's a daily thing in district 10 do everyone ignores me.

I get back to my house and greet 15 of my 20 brothers all looking *ahem* extremely satisfied.

Wink wink! 😉

I whip my hair back like Willow Smith and smile at them. People say my family acts like we're Greek gods but I don't understand how that's meant to be an insult.

I mean they got a lot of sex!

I go downstairs and eat a banana for breakfast. My brother Sexal comes in and smiles seductively at me. "Wanna take this upstairs?" He winks.

I think about it but I believe in nargles too is only 13 and she isn't ready to write mature content like this despite what her favourites list shows.

"Nah! Maybe tomorrow!" I say, despite the fact I'm obviously going to get reaped. Like duh! I'm not the District 10 female for nothing!

My bother winks at me and leaves the kitchen to go find my mother or something.

I don't know!

 **Gold Lyonheart**

I look adoringly at my girlfriend Queen Bitchfield. We've been together five days but they've been the best 5 days of my life.

"I love you" I say adoringly.

She runs to the toilet in my house to be sick for TOTALLY unrelated reasons.

She's the best!

I love her 😍!

Maybe she'll be my wife one day.

When I suggest this to her complete with a ring she looks overwhelmed and turns slightly green WITH EXCITEMENT! She runs home but I don't care. I'll see her again in 4 hours 57 minutes and 31 seconds.

I'M SO EXCITED!

After a quick breakfast of toast shaped like Queen's face, I go out hunting with my dad and we get 50 deers.

It would have been 100 but I'm pretty sure Sexzila is the Mary Sue of District 10.

I could have been a Gary Stu but apparently I'm dumb!

That's TOTALLY not true!

I mean these are my personality traits:

Goofy

naive

dumb

witty

funny

resourceful

offensive

creative

,sportive

lazy!

Except the first 3 do those reeeeally scream out dumb to you?

Anyway, since my part of the chapter doesn't really have that much action:

SUDDENLY A CAR HITS MY YOUNGER BROTHER PLOTDEVICE!

I LOVED HIM SO MUCH!

Rip!

Now let's make bets on if he'll ever be mentioned again!

(Pick no)

Plotdevice who?

I don't remember any brother!

 **Sexzila Sexuala Sexypants**

After I've finished my banana I go upstairs to read my favourite book, We're going on a dick hunt!

It's a brilliant book all about a group of friends and their search for a guy named Richard.

Dirty minded...

By the time I've finished it's time to start getting ready.

I take off my clothes and curl my sexy blonde hair. My sexy eyes seem to gleam with... hornyness. My sexy face smiles a sexy smile and my sexy body strikes a sexy pose.

I look beautiful.

And sexy.

Like REALLLLLY SEXY!

 **Gold Lyonheart**

After going hunting with my father and seeing my brother whats his name getting killed, I hope upstairs and think about Queen.

She's so pretty.

I miss her already.

After a certain amount of time my thoughts started getting creepy so I start to get changed.

I put on a cashmere blouse and pants made out of the finest silk in Panem.

I look almost as good as Queen.

I wonder what she's doing right now.

 **Third person POV**

Gold's best mate.

 **Gold Lyonheart**

She's so pretty and innocent I bet she's petting kittens or something.

 **Third person POV**

Something

 **Gold Lyonheart**

So innocent!

 **Sexzila Sezuala Sexypants**

 **((This is becoming tedious to write out...))**

Like basically everyone I begin to walk to the Reaping, making sure to stick my chest out to all the boys that can see me.

I get to the square and find a space. The escort (I'm sorry but does anyone else feel dirty writing that out?!) Cheesefluff Corn steps out on stage with a smile.

"And the female tribute is... Queen Bitchfield!"

Wait what?

Anyway suddenly the mayor's son runs on stage.

"I volunteer!"

There's a lot of whispering about the logic of a male volunteering for a female but they finally decide it's a parody so Fuck it anything can happen! I mean I'm pretty sure there'll be a talking iPhone soon!

As Gold is going to be the male tribute another female tribute had to be called!

"Sexzila Sexuala Sexypants!"

GASP!

I walk up on stage, trying to stop the tears from dropping

WRONG TRIBUTE BITCHES!

I walk up onto the stage and smile at everyone.

"Suck me later!" I yell but I leave it at that.

13 PEOPLE!

 **Gold Lyonheart**

I get to the Reaping and I catch a glimpse of Queen.

She's so pretty!

Cheesefluff walks on stage and pulls out a name

"Queen Bitchfield!"

I guess you know what happens from Sexzila blah blah blah...

Anyway I volunteer and everything is good. Sexzila gets reaped but no one cares...

The author is getting bored and as they don't add any importance we won't have tearful goodbyes. This chapter is actually way too short but I- SHE doesn't care.

 **Hi guys! Sorry I've been gone for so long! Well a week but still...**

 **I have cool news! Sorry to the author if the didn't mean for it to work like this but please can someone sub,ut an owner for this tribute:**

 **Name: Iphone 97s.**  
 **Age: Two days out of verizion.**  
 **District: 3 (perfect for a cellular device)**  
 **Gender: Male**  
 **Strengths: Can blast illuminati music to distract twilight playing in background, is very attractive for a black square and might seduce people, teleportation (because-well you know why.)**  
 **Weakness: Usually buffers or plays an advertisement about a car company selling stuff before a video.**  
 **Personallity: A few quotes just about sums it up "..." "low battery 5 percent" "Like a good neighbor statefarm is there!" "*illuminati music*"**  
 **Appearance: think of the world's most attractive black rectangle.**  
 **Weapon: buffering apps.**  
 **Reaped or volunteered: His owner said his phone volunteers for him.**  
 **Alliance: maybe, he'll do a wwsd (what would siri do).**  
 **Interview angle: interviewer:"And your name is-?" Iphone: "..." Interviewer:"Wonderfull!"**  
 **Reaping outfit: ...?**  
 **Any outfit themed event: ..?**  
 **Family/Friends: An owner named Armold Swartsganger.**

 **If I get more than one submittion (unlikely) I'll just choose the best.**

 **In other words so far the bookstore is winning on the poll.**

 **Bye!**


	10. Chapter 10

Hello **Motherrrrrrrfuckers**!

 **I'm back from the dead!**

 **District 11 this time so... YAY?!**

 **Raven Black**

I put my bandana around my face.

I'm the story's Homeless thief with a heart of gold.

Despite the fact in District 11 I would have probably been killed I spend my days looking for victims to rob despite the fact most people in 11 are dirt poor.

Because fuck canon.

I have pale skin despite the fact it's unlikely for people to have the genes for that in District 11.

Because fuck canon.

I wasn't always an orphan. When I was 3 my mother died because she set fire to her hair. A year later my father poked a stick at a grizzely bear. My sister ate medicine that was out of date and my brother used his private parts as piranha bait.

I was extremely saddened when they died but stealing my first diamond helped a lot.

My second diamond helped even more.

By my third diamond I was completely over it.

At 5 I was a homeless orphan but somehow I didn't die on the streets.

Did I mention I'm the prettiest girl in 11!

Because I am.

After training for a few hours it was time to steal something.

I snuck into a peacekeepers house despite them probably having really high security.

Because fuck logic

I can't be bothered to tell you what I steal but it's a lot!

After I've finished that I decide to get ready for the Reaping like it's a completely voluntary thing.

 **Ben Dover**

First things first.

My name is Benjamin.

Just like sisters name is actually Wangia not Wang. Her last name is different than mine because fuck logic. It's King.

Somehow, despite having a completely stable family I'm extremely paranoid.

Or it could be that people are trying to kill me.

I get into the shower but then I hear a noise. I open my secret panel where I hide a knife. I plunge it into the person making the noise.

I guess I don't have a sister anymore.

After planning and going to a quick funeral in which my mother yells at me that 'I'm the worst child in the world!" Or whatever. I swear, after the past 5 times she should have gotten used to it!

Drama queen!

It's not my fault I beheaded her!

After that incident I contemplate how long it would take me to get a fake name and move to Peru...

Wherever that is.

I mean... all I know is Panem.

SHUT UP!

After working on my plan I go out to the disguise shop that District 11 suddenly has for no reason.

Because *all say it with me* fuck logic.

I decide to by a fake moustache and if I do say so myself I look as fabulous as Sharpay Evans! I think I'll wear it to the Reaping.

I get back home but my mother has evidently bought a shotgun whilst I was out and thanks to my moustache she totally didn't reconise me.

That's completely why she was looking at me murderously.

 **Raven**

Being homeless leaves me with very little clothes. In the end I decide to wear a Black bandana covering my mouth and nose with my hair tied up with red ribbon, a high collared black armour like robe with red and silver highlights which splits into legs and black boots.

I look amazing.

I begin the quick walk to the square with people avoiding me.

God, you rob 79 houses and you get a bad reputation!

Assholes!

The escort steps on stage,

"Hello! My name is Fluffybitchtits Mcbitchfluffytits. I am 89 but going on 20.

I am Bitchy, I throw chairs at people for fun and I also throw cars at orphans daily. I throws buildings at old people as a career. My worst crime however is throwing twilight books at dead bugs. I'm always pissed, even if I just had an orgasm."

'Please just tell us who's going to get killed this year!" A smart assed kid calls out. "I hope it's Raven Black. The story's Homeless thief with a heart of gold."

"And the tribute is... Cally Smithe!"

"Wrong story," someone yells.

"Raven Black.

Well frick frack diddly snick snack rickety rock rick.

Or more simply put.

Fuck.

 **Ben**

Once I manage to climb into a window without my mother threatening to shoot me I beg changed.

Despite having the money to have several knives hidden round my family is dirt poor.

I sadly slip on a dirty white shirt with brown trousers and no shoes. Thank god I have my awesome moustache.

I go over to the mirror for the chapterly looking in the mirror. I have short brown hair, dull brown eyes, pale skin, a little short, and malnourished.

In short a sexy beast bitches!

I begin to leave for the Reaping, dodging my mother holding her gun.

I try calling that it's just me but it makes her look even more murderous.

Drama Queen.

I skip to the town without a care in the- sorry wrong tribute!

I walk quickly, holding my gun- sorry wrong again. That's my mother!

I board the train to Hogwar- THAT'S NOT EVEN THE RIGHT FANDOM!

I walk to the square at a reasonable pace, making sure to twirl around so everyone can see my moustache.

At the second I get to the square the escort steps on stage.

She talks for a big amount of time (about 75 words) but Raven has already covered that.

"Ben Dover!"

Welp!

I go up but because of my moustache no one recognises me.

That's why they're all cheering.

"By the way my name's Benjamin," I say to Fluffybitchtits.

She whacks me and it all goes black.

 **Hello**

 **It's me!**

 **I'm back!**

 **Sorry seriously, I've been updating my other story.**

 **Please Read.**

 **#SelfAdvertisingIsFun.**

 **Anyway, hope this chapter satisfied you.**

 **NOT LIKE THAT PERVS!**

 **Both these characters belong to Moonless Galaxy.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey! This chapter won't be the best quality because I'm not feeling 100% but hey ho!**

 **Fuck you flu!**

 **District 9 time!**

 **Crybaby POV:**

I woke up crying.

I continued crying whilst doing my morning chores. I continued crying whilst I ate breakfast.

I cried so hard my head hurt but that just made me cry more.

My friend Livia slapped me to stop me crying but it hurt so I continued but even harder.

You see I'm the token weak 12 year old. Basically a soppy version of Rue. I'm the character everyone knows is going to die in the bloodbath.

Like most chapters I'll now have the obligatory flashback to explain exactly what made me this way despite the fact no one cares:

 **Flashback**

I was playing by myself one day when I was 5 when suddenly a giant dog the size of a... giant dog came running up to me.

"I'm a wild dog. Give me all your money!" It said.

"Wait... you're a talking dog?" I said. Suddenly he looked annoyed.

"Stick to the script!" It said.

"Oh right... Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

 **Back to the present**

After that I was never the same.

People began to call me Crybaby despite the fact I kept telling them it was rude and mean.

Assholes.

I mean...

Wah wah!

 **Igor POV:**

I feel like I'm just here to be a contrast to Crybaby.

I mean seriously:

She's 12, I'm 18

She's a Crybaby and I'm emotionless

She has no strengths and I only have mild weaknesses.

Like God, seriously?!

Oh and she was reaped and I volunteered.

SPOILERRRRRRR!

I'm trained in every single martial arts style possible because I need to have something special about me.

 **C** Also my parents are dead.

LOL!

Despite this I don't suffer from PTSD or anything.

LOL!

My three brothers are also dead cos Lol!

Have I told you I want to overthrow the Capitol.

Lol!

That's why I'm volunteering.

SPOILER!

To pass the time before the Reaping, I begin to strip my victims of their skin and burn their bones in acid.

Mmmmmm! Murder tastes gooooood!

I never used to be a psychopath but then it happened!

 **Second flashback that no one cares about but has to read anyway**

"Yo kid!" Said a Peacekeeper, "We're burning your house down!"

At the time I thought he was joking so I laughed but it turned out to be true.

That night I crept into his house and pulled his... little Peacekeeper off.

I then gouged out his eyes and ate them.

Most fun I'd ever had!

 **End**

Soon my crimes became both worse and tastier.

It's just the circle of life.

 **Crybaby**

After I had finished crying 2 litres per second and had just gone down to 1, I decided to get changed for the Reapings.

I slipped on a black dress and black shoes, a result of originally being submitted to 12 and looked in the mirror. I was pale and skinny with black hair and green eyes. Usually my eyes were puffy and bloodshot but I hadn't been crying as hard recently, a sign of growing up according to my Mom.

After I had cried some more I left for the Reaping.

 **Igor**

Once I had finished playing my victims liver like a guitar I decided to get changed. I put on a midnight black suit, the colour of my soul and walked over to the mirror I somehow owned, despite being homeless.

Because fuck logic.

I was Tall with grey hair reaching to my chin. I had many scars and wounds on my body. I was muscular and I never smiled. I was always sad and miserable. I had a very bony sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad face.

I was one sexy motherfucker!

I once thought about forcing my victim to do that but Fanfictions that involve incest are disgusting and morally wrong and it would be really good if they stopped. *cough* Thundermans fandom *cough.*

After a little while I left for the Reaping.

 **Crybaby**

Slowly, I walked to the town square, despite the fact that I should have been pushed from almost every direction.

Because fuck logic.

Lol.

Sadly, the idea of getting pushed around was enough to make me start crying again. Everyone clapped their hands over their ears because apparently my crying, which was only considered annoying before is now enough to make people's ears hurt.

Because fuck logic.

When I stopped crying Bitch McFuckyou stepped on stage as if we had an empathy link or something.

Because fuck logic.

Hardy har har har ha.

 **Igor**

The Reaping took place in the square despite it being unlikely that it takes place at the same place at every district.

Because fuck logic.

I get into the square when I first hear the crying.

Of course it's Crybaby.

I clap my hands over my ears and finally it stops.

Then our escort: Bitch McFuckyou steps on stage.

She had blue hair as blue as the colour someone turns when you choke them and jade green skin.

Shouldnt eveerrrrryone know that's a fashion faux pas!

Like duh!

Finally things got interesting when she started the actual Reaping part.

 **Crybaby**

"Because not every District is the same, I'm starting with the males!" Says Bitch McFuckyou. Everyone gasps and some people faint.

"Random kid number 467899990"

Someone then volunteers but who cares really. The girls are where it's important.

"Crybaby Jones"

I start crying when I hear that.

Why doesn't anyone remember:

My name is Kathy!

Also I'm going into the Hunger Games and I have to listen to Twilight.

Fuck.

 **Igor**

No one really cares about this part because we've literally just heard about it in Crybaby's POV.

Guys went first, I volunteered, blah blah blah.

Last thing I remember is looking into Crybaby's dark green eyes and feeling something I'd never felt before.

Fear at the amount of decibels she would be able to get up to.

 **4 to gooooo! And I'm really excited! Do you know why? I'm one review away from 50! Thank you guys sooooo much! I hope it's still as good as when I started and you haven't lost interest in reading it.**


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm really sorry for taking so long to update. I've had no inspiration for this story. It'll be better once the Reaping is over.**

 **On another note, I'm using a different style. One person is the before reaping and the other id the actual reaping. It makes things easier for me and it's a style I prefer nowadays.**

 **Hope that's ok.**

 **Tree Branch (7 male)**

I take down 50 deers in the time it takes most to eat breakfast. I'd say 'mmmmmm meat' but I'm a vegan.

That makes me wonder...

Why do I hunt?

Eh, fuck logic.

After I killed the animals I prayed for each of them because apparently I am a Christian.

My best friends Rowan Leafy and Log Unimportant come up to me and smile.

"Hey Tree," says Rowan, rubbing up against me. "Lets go somewhere and kiss."

Sometimes I think I like Rowan but the feelings are probably unreciprocated so I don't ask.

Log waves at me but then a wild dog comes and kills him.

For a few seconds me and Rowan stare at each other in shock but then we start kissing.

Log who?

For a few minutes me and Rowan just stand kissing without needing air or anything but then Log starts smelling despite the fact he died like a few minutes ago.

Because fuck logic.

Soon the morning is over and I say goodbye to Rowan.

I wonder if I should ask her out.

It's not like I'll be reaped or anything.

Totally...

Soon I am home and I say hello to my mother, my father, my 8 brothers and 2 sisters. But not my Goldfish.

Because my goldfish is an asshole.

My parents are called Leaf Woman and Branchy Branch. They are always fighting and that me sad. But they love me a lot. I have eight brothers who all love me. Six of them are goths, and two of them are twin pranksters. I have two sisters who are eight and they love fishing (though there are no fishing areas in 7).

That wasn't copied and pasted at all.

I pull on a blue checkered t-shirt and white shorts and smile at myself.

I'm one sexy bitch.

I then get some kind of phone call where someone yells at me for my lack of originality.

What did you expect?! My name is literally Tree Branch!

I mean... SMILEEEEEEE!

I then decide to look into the mirror for no reason other than the fact the author needs to up her word count.

I'm tall and lanky, with some muscles from being a lumberjack. I have rusty-red hair that I dyed black and green eyes that change shade according to the weather. He's very fair-skinned (though I spends like 24/7 outside in the lumberyard or forest).

Because I have now had 500 words written about me, the author has fulfilled her quota.

I leave for the Reaping, whistling as I go.

 **Aurora Walker (56 female)**

 **(Just kidding, she's the 7 female)**

I walk to the Reaping, admiring my outfit of 'whatever the other d7 male wants.'

Truly a beautiful outfit.

A random escort steps on stage and smiles at us.

"I WILL KILL YOU ALLLL! OR AT LEAST 2 OF YOU! I LIKE KICKING PUPPIES, SUMMONING SATAN AND TWILIGHT!"

I gasp. What kind of monster likes Twilight?

You were probably expecting me to say that.

If a joke falls flat in the woods and everyone hears it, is it still a joke?

Anyway, the woman pulls out a machine gun and kills the mentor, Random Name.

An inspiring woman will be missed.

Then she starts the Reaping part of the Reaping.

"Aurora Walker! Was her mother obsessed with Disney or something? OH SHIT MY MIC'S ON!"

I don't think we were meant to hear the last part.

I walk up onto the stage, my creator didn't specify what my reaction would be so I just sort of drift randomly."

"BLOODBATH TRIBUTE!"

A little boy walks up on stage but then someone volunteers!

I guess you guessed that already because the first POV wasn't about Bloodbath.

Anyway, a guy steps on stage and just starts talking.

Without being asked.

Like Mannersss!?

I pick my nose and smear it onto the floor. That was a big bogey!

Soon, the Reaping was over.

No one came and I nearly drowned from crying.

TEARS OF HAPPINESS BITCH!

 **I AM SO SO SO SORRY FOR THIS! It's nowhere near what my normal standard is and I hate it with the power of 100000000000 suns.**

 **I hope you didn't hate it too much.**


	13. Chapter 13

I'm sorry but I'm cancelling this. My humour is different and I don't find this a good idea anymore.

You guys can choose whether I keep it up or delete it.


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